Perhaps your spouse has made it clear that they are no longer happy in the relationship. Maybe all indicators are pointing toward separation or even divorce. Are you begging them to go to marriage counseling, but they won’t even consider it as an option? If you find yourself in this painful situation, know that you are not alone.
I can help.
Even when you feel completely overwhelmed with what is happening in your marriage, there is hope. As a professional with years of experience working with couples, I have seen many relationships on the brink of collapse. While I can’t guarantee a specific formula to save your marriage, I can help you recognize behaviors that may be pushing your spouse further away.
Understanding Why Your Spouse Wants to Leave
One of the most common struggles spouses in crisis face is feeling blindsided by their partner’s desire to end the marriage. You may be shocked, confused, and desperate to prove that things aren’t as bad as your spouse claims. However, trying to convince them that their feelings are wrong is one of the quickest ways to push them further away.
You might believe that your spouse is simply going through a phase—perhaps they are depressed, stressed, or experiencing a midlife crisis. While these factors could play a role, focusing on what you think is wrong with them will not help your situation. Instead, you need to turn your attention inward and assess your role in their unhappiness.
The Importance of Self-Reflection
If you truly want to save your marriage, the most important thing you can do is acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. Take their concerns seriously, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with them. Ask yourself:
Have I been emotionally present in our relationship?
Have I been listening to my spouse’s needs and concerns?
Have I unintentionally contributed to their feelings of dissatisfaction?
Have I shown appreciation and love in ways that matter to them?
Validating your spouse’s emotions and making a genuine effort to understand their perspective is crucial. When a partner expresses unhappiness, dismissing or minimizing their feelings will only confirm their belief that the marriage is not salvageable.
Listening—Really Listening—To Your Spouse
Many people believe they are good listeners, but true listening involves more than just hearing words. It requires full attention, open-mindedness, and a willingness to see things from the other person’s perspective. When your spouse tells you they are unhappy, resist the urge to immediately defend yourself or argue against their feelings. Instead:
Give them your undivided attention.
Ask clarifying questions to fully understand their concerns.
Avoid interrupting or shifting the conversation to your own frustrations.
Reflect back on what they are saying to show that you are truly absorbing their words.
Your goal should be to understand, not to argue or justify your actions. If your spouse expresses disappointment in the marriage, take their words seriously and ask how you can help address those concerns.
Taking Action to Rebuild Your Marriage
Once you understand what is making your spouse unhappy, it is time to take action. Ignoring the problem or assuming that time will heal things is not a strategy for success. Instead, be proactive in making changes that will help rebuild your connection.
If your spouse feels neglected, make an effort to prioritize quality time together.
If they feel unappreciated, express gratitude and recognize their contributions more frequently.
If they feel bored, introduce excitement and spontaneity into your relationship.
If they feel unheard, improve your communication skills and demonstrate that their voice matters.
Even small gestures can make a significant difference in showing your spouse that you are serious about change.
Breaking Out of the Routine
Many marriages fall into predictable routines that can lead to feelings of stagnation and boredom. If your spouse has expressed feeling unfulfilled or uninspired in the marriage, this is the perfect time to introduce new experiences.
Try a new hobby together.
Plan a spontaneous weekend getaway.
Surprise them with something thoughtful and unexpected.
Find new ways to connect emotionally and physically.
A marriage that feels stagnant can often be revived by stepping outside of your comfort zone and making intentional efforts to reignite the spark.
Staying the Course
Saving a struggling marriage is not a quick fix—it requires commitment, patience, and resilience. There may be moments when you feel hopeless, especially if your spouse remains distant or unresponsive. However, if your ultimate goal is to preserve your marriage, you must stay the course.
Be patient and give your spouse time to process the changes.
Continue demonstrating positive behaviors, even if they are not immediately reciprocated.
Avoid pressuring them into counseling but express your willingness to work together.
Stay focused on what you can do rather than expecting instant change from your spouse.
Marriage counseling can be an incredibly valuable tool in rebuilding trust, improving communication, and addressing deep-seated issues. If your spouse is open to it, seeking professional guidance can provide the structure and support needed to heal your relationship.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Navigating a marital crisis can be one of the most emotionally challenging experiences in life. If you feel lost and unsure of how to move forward, know that help is available. You don’t have to go through this alone.
If you are ready to take steps toward saving your marriage, I am here to provide support and guidance. Call 701-478-4144 to schedule a counseling session. Together, we can work toward restoring the connection and rebuilding the foundation of your relationship. No matter how hopeless things may seem, there is always a path forward if both partners are willing to try.
Your marriage is worth fighting for. Let’s start the journey toward healing today.