Discernment Counseling in Fargo, North Dakota

For Couples on the Brink of Divorce

Available in person in Fargo and online throughout North Dakota

One of you is considering divorce. The other wants to save the marriage.

You may have tried talking, arguing, separating, or even marriage counseling, but you still cannot agree on what should happen next.

Maybe you have thought:

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”
“If it weren’t for the kids, I would have left a long time ago.”
“Is there still hope for us?”

When divorce is on the table but one or both of you are not completely certain, you are in a painful and high-stakes place. Discernment Counseling is designed specifically for couples in this position.

I am North Dakota’s only certified Discernment Counselor and have worked with couples for 25 years. I have practiced Discernment Counseling since the model was first introduced.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured process that helps couples slow down, look carefully at what has happened in their marriage, and make a more informed decision about what comes next.

It was developed for mixed-agenda couples:

One spouse is leaning out of the marriage and is uncertain whether working on it would help.
The other spouse is leaning in and wants to preserve and rebuild the relationship.

Traditional marriage counseling assumes that both spouses are ready to work on the relationship. Discernment Counseling does not make that assumption.

You will not be pressured to remain married or pushed toward divorce. My role is to help each of you examine the decision carefully and honestly, with a fuller understanding of what has happened in the relationship and what would need to change for the marriage to have a different future.

How Does Discernment Counseling Work?

You and your spouse will meet with me together, but most of each session will be spent in separate, one-on-one conversations with me.

During the process:

I will treat each of you with compassion and respect, regardless of where you stand.
I will not take sides or treat either spouse as the problem.
We will examine the patterns that brought your marriage to this point and the ways each of you has contributed to those patterns.
Each of you will consider what you have learned about yourself and what would need to change moving forward.
You will gain insight that can be useful whether you ultimately remain together or separate.

The purpose is not to solve your marital problems during these sessions. It is to understand what brought your marriage to this point and decide whether both of you are willing to attempt six months of focused marriage counseling.

Three Possible Paths Forward

Discernment Counseling helps couples choose among three paths:

Path One: Continue the marriage as it is

You decide not to pursue divorce or begin marriage counseling at this time.

Path Two: Move toward separation or divorce

You decide to end the marriage with greater clarity and confidence that you have considered the decision carefully.

Path Three: Commit to six months of marriage counseling

You both agree to take divorce off the table for six months and make a serious effort to repair the relationship through marriage counseling. Together, you will develop an initial understanding of what needs to change and what each of you will need to work on.

No particular outcome is predetermined. The goal is for both of you to reach greater clarity and confidence about the direction you choose.

What Does the Process Look Like?

Discernment Counseling includes a maximum of five sessions, but you do not have to commit to all five.

The first session is two hours long.
Additional sessions are 90 minutes each.
At the end of each session, you each decide whether another session would be useful.
The process ends when you choose a path or complete the fifth session.

By the end of the process, you should have a deeper understanding of your relationship, your own role in its difficulties, and the options available to you.

Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?

Discernment Counseling may be appropriate when:

Divorce has been discussed or is being seriously considered.
One spouse wants to save the marriage while the other is uncertain.
You are not ready to begin traditional marriage counseling together.
The spouse considering divorce is willing to examine the decision, even without promising to stay married.

Discernment Counseling is not appropriate when:

One spouse has made a final decision to divorce and is unwilling to explore any other possibility.
One spouse is pressuring or coercing the other to participate.
There are threats, violence, coercive behavior, or immediate safety concerns.
One spouse is seeking therapy only to force, persuade, or prove something to the other.

If one spouse has made a final decision to divorce, legal consultation or support with the divorce transition may be more useful. When there are threats, violence, coercion, or safety concerns, individual support, domestic violence resources, or legal guidance may be more appropriate depending on the circumstances.

Why Work With Me?

I am the only certified Discernment Counselor in North Dakota and the only therapist in the state who has completed the official Discernment Counseling training through the Doherty Relationship Institute. The Institute developed the model and provides its official training and certification.

Discernment Counseling is a defined model with a specific structure and approach. I use the model as intended, with respect for both spouses and without pushing couples toward either reconciliation or divorce.

Certified providers can be verified through the official Discernment Counselors directory or by contacting the Doherty Relationship Institute.

How to Get Started

Before scheduling the first session, I conduct a separate 15–20 minute pre-screening call with each spouse. These calls help me determine whether Discernment Counseling is appropriate for your situation and give each of you an opportunity to ask questions about the process.

Ready to Find Out Whether Discernment Counseling Fits Your Situation?

Complete my confidential Counseling Inquiry form

If the situation appears appropriate for this service, I will contact each spouse to arrange the separate pre-screening calls.

You can also learn more about my approach or review frequently asked questions and fees.

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