Divorce is often viewed as the ultimate endpoint of marital strife, the point where couples have exhausted all avenues for reconciliation and have resigned themselves to the inevitability of separation. However, recent research challenges this assumption, shedding light on the prevalence of divorce ambivalence even among those already in the legal process.
Studies conducted by Doherty, Peterson, Willoughby (2011) and later replicated by Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty (2012) revealed surprising findings. Contrary to common belief, a significant portion of divorcing individuals expressed a belief that their marriage could still be salvaged. In fact, approximately a quarter of respondents indicated a sense of hope for reconciliation, while around a third expressed interest in services aimed at facilitating such reconciliation.
Further insights from a study by Doherty, Harris, and Wilde (in press) highlighted the complexity of attitudes towards divorce among divorcing parents. Shockingly, only two-thirds of participants were unequivocally certain about their desire to proceed with the divorce. The remaining third exhibited varying degrees of ambivalence or outright resistance to the dissolution of their marriage, with a notable inclination towards seeking assistance to save their relationship.
It's essential to note that these studies focused on individuals who were already well into the divorce process, suggesting that divorce ambivalence persists even after legal proceedings have commenced. This notion is further supported by unpublished data from initial consultations with lawyers, revealing that half of clients expressed ambivalence or reluctance towards divorce, indicating that certainty about the decision is far from universal.
Moreover, surveys of divorced individuals offer additional insights into post-divorce sentiments. Hawkins and Fackrell (2009) found that half of divorced individuals expressed regret over not working harder to reconcile their differences, highlighting lingering doubts and what-ifs. Similarly, Hetherington and Kelley (2002) reported that in 75% of divorced couples, at least one partner harbored regrets about the decision to divorce a year after separation, underscoring the enduring complexity of divorce-related emotions.
Qualitative studies, such as the work of Knox and Corte (2007), provide rich narratives that illuminate the profound impact of divorce ambivalence on separating spouses. Their findings revealed a pervasive reevaluation of the decision to separate, with many expressing a newfound willingness to reconsider and explore avenues for reconciliation.
In summary, research unequivocally demonstrates that divorce ambivalence is prevalent among individuals navigating the divorce process. Contrary to popular belief, the decision to divorce is rarely straightforward, and uncertainty often persists even after legal proceedings have commenced. These findings underscore the need for greater recognition and support for individuals grappling with the complexities of divorce ambivalence, highlighting the importance of fostering avenues for reconciliation and resolution within the divorce process.