Do you miss the old days in your relationship? The long nights with pizza, beer, and movies? You could spend hours together talking and getting to know each other and laughing together. Now you don’t have time for each other. You have tried date nights, but finding a sitter seems like more trouble than what it is worth. When you have gone out, you don’t have much to say to each other. Frankly, being out as a couple feels awkward.
Every morning is the same - chaotic. You get to work and get done what you can before the next shift starts at home. You get the kids off to activities, fed, bathed, and asleep. Who has time for their marriage?
I am going to share with you one small thing that you can do every day that will have a positive, lasting impact on your relationship, even the busiest relationships. Build your love map with your partner. Love maps are small, intimate specifics of your partner’s life that are important to who they are as a person. Building a love map with your partner is about maintaining an awareness of your partner’s world. Some of these moments are fixed, such as where your partner went to school, what the name of their first dog was, or which sibling they shared a room with growing up. Some of these moments change over time, such as who their favorite coworker is, what is their favorite cuisine is, or what is their biggest stressor is.
This process effortlessly flows at the beginning of relationships because we want to get to know the other person, and everything about them is new and exciting to us! The longer we are in a relationship, the apter we are to take our partner for granted and assume we know everything about them. Sometimes we think we know them better than they know themselves.
As a relationship specialist, I will work with many couples who tell me they never argue. They have had no conflict in their relationship at all. Yet, thirty years into their marriage, they are on the brink of divorce. They are often confused about what went wrong when things seemed to be going well. Often, these couples have lost their connection. They stopped getting to know their partner, which leads them to grow apart rather than together. This is very easy for couples to do in child-centered marriages. By the time their children are out of their home, they look at each other and wonder who the person on the other side of the room is.
As human beings, we all grow and evolve. We change our interests. We have different goals. We change our priorities or what we decide we want to put our energy into. Different things stress us out and make us anxious. If you aren’t asking questions in your relationship, instead of growing together, you grow apart. Working on love maps will help you to continue to grow together.
Tip: At the beginning of each day make it a habit to find out one thing about their day, and at the end of the day, ask them about it.
Interested in learning more about love maps and setting up a counseling appointment? Call 701-478-4144.