Building a strong and lasting connection in marriage requires effort, patience, and understanding from both partners. The renowned couple and relationship experts, John and Julie Gottman, have spent decades researching and studying what makes relationships work and what causes them to fail. Based on their extensive research, they have developed a set of principles and techniques that can help couples build a stronger and more fulfilling connection in their marriage.
Communication - Effective communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, and marriage is no exception. The Gottmans emphasize the importance of "active listening" which involves fully focusing on what your partner is saying, avoiding distractions, and showing empathy and understanding. They also recommend using "I" statements when expressing your feelings, which helps to avoid blame and promote understanding.
Emotional Intelligence - Developing emotional intelligence is key to building a strong connection in your marriage. This involves understanding your own emotions, as well as being able to recognize and understand the emotions of your partner. The Gottmans suggest taking time to reflect on your emotions and practicing empathy by putting yourself in your partner's shoes and trying to understand their perspective.
Quality Time - Spending quality time together is essential for building a strong connection in your marriage. The Gottmans recommend setting aside regular time for just the two of you to spend together, doing things you both enjoy. This could be anything from taking a walk, cooking a meal together, or watching a movie. The key is to make this time a priority and to give it the attention and focus it deserves.
Shared Interests - Having shared interests is another way to build a strong connection in your marriage. Whether it's a shared hobby, sport, or simply a mutual love of travel, having common ground can help you feel more connected to your partner and strengthen your bond.
Appreciation and Gratitude - Expressing appreciation and gratitude towards your partner can go a long way in building a strong connection in your marriage. The Gottmans suggest making a conscious effort to notice the things your partner does for you and to express your gratitude for their efforts. This could be as simple as saying "thank you" for a meal they cooked or for helping with a task.
Conflict Resolution - Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and marriage is no exception. The Gottmans suggest approaching conflict with a "softened start-up," which involves avoiding blame and criticism, and instead approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding. They also recommend using "repair attempts," such as humor or affection, to diffuse tensions and keep the conversation positive.
Physical Intimacy - Physical intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship, and it's no different in marriage. The Gottmans suggest taking time to connect physically with your partner, whether it's through physical affection, holding hands, or intimate moments. This can help to build a strong emotional connection and strengthen the bond between you.
Building a strong and lasting connection in your marriage takes effort, patience, and understanding from both partners. By following the principles and techniques developed by John and Julie Gottman, you can take steps to strengthen your relationship and build a connection that will last a lifetime. Whether it's through effective communication, emotional intelligence, quality time, shared interests, appreciation and gratitude, conflict resolution, or physical intimacy, each of these elements can help you build a stronger and more fulfilling connection in your marriage.