If you’ve spent some time browsing my website, you may have come across information about Discernment Counseling. This specialized form of therapy is designed to help couples who are at a crossroads in their relationship. Rather than focusing on solving immediate marital or relationship issues, the primary goal of Discernment Counseling is to help you and your partner gain clarity and confidence regarding the future of your relationship. By engaging in this process, couples are given the opportunity to reflect deeply on whether their issues are solvable and if they can continue their relationship on a healthier, more sustainable path.
Discernment Counseling is not about fixing the marriage right away. It is about giving you and your partner the time, space, and guidance to assess whether your problems are manageable or if the best course of action is to part ways. Importantly, you will each be treated with compassion and respect, regardless of your current feelings about the marriage or relationship.
WHO Should consider discernment counseling?
Discernment Counseling can be a beneficial tool for a variety of couples. However, it is particularly well-suited for individuals who find themselves in certain challenging situations. Here are some examples of those who might benefit most from this type of counseling:
1. Couples Considering Divorce but Feeling Uncertain
Many couples find themselves on the brink of divorce but are unsure if it is truly the right decision. In these cases, Discernment Counseling offers an invaluable opportunity to explore your relationship in a non-judgmental space. The process helps you and your partner reflect on your marriage, allowing you to decide whether to remain together or move toward separation.
2. Those Wanting to Give Their Marriage Another Chance
Some individuals may want to continue their marriage despite their partner leaning toward divorce. If you are committed to trying again and need help navigating your feelings and options, Discernment Counseling provides a framework for this exploration. The sessions can help both partners understand each other’s perspectives more deeply and decide whether reconciliation is possible.
3. Couples Stuck After Previous Therapy Attempts
Couples who have already tried marriage therapy or counseling and feel stuck can also benefit. If prior attempts have not resolved the underlying issues, Discernment Counseling can help identify why these efforts were unsuccessful and guide you in determining if continued work is likely to bring meaningful improvement.
When Is Discernment Counseling Not Appropriate?
While Discernment Counseling is highly effective for couples on the verge of significant decisions, there are certain situations where it may not be the best option. It is important to consider these limitations before beginning:
1. Relationships Involving Domestic Violence
Discernment Counseling is not appropriate in situations where there is a danger of domestic violence. Safety must always be the top priority, and therapy cannot take place if there is any concern about physical harm.
2. When There Is a Court-Ordered Protection Order
If there is an Order for Protection (OFP) in place from the court, Discernment Counseling should not be pursued. This order indicates significant safety concerns or legal restrictions, which would prevent the process from unfolding in a balanced, open manner.
3. When One Spouse Has Already Made a Final Decision
Discernment Counseling is not the right fit if one spouse has already made an unshakable decision to divorce. If one partner is only attending counseling to convince the other to accept their decision, it undermines the goals of Discernment Counseling, which emphasizes mutual reflection.
4. When One Spouse Is Being Coerced to Participate
If one spouse is being forced or coerced into attending, Discernment Counseling will not work. The process requires that both individuals willingly engage in the sessions and be open to exploring the future of the relationship.
Discernment Counseling vs. Couples Therapy
Discernment Counseling differs from traditional couples counseling or marriage therapy in some key ways. While couples counseling focuses on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening the relationship, Discernment Counseling serves as a pre-counseling process. Its aim is to help couples decide whether to stay together or separate, rather than jumping directly into fixing the relationship.
The Three Paths
In Discernment Counseling, couples are encouraged to explore one of three paths for their future:
Path 1: Stay Married Without Change This path involves continuing the marriage exactly as it is, without making any substantial changes. Often, couples who initially consider this option realize that remaining in the status quo is not ideal, but it’s important to evaluate it thoughtfully.
Path 2: Move Toward Separation or Divorce Some couples may conclude that their issues are irreconcilable, and the best option is to move toward divorce or separation. In Discernment Counseling, the decision to pursue this path is made with intention and clarity, allowing both partners to better understand their needs and choices.
Path 3: Commit to an All-Out Effort of Couples Therapy The final path is for couples who decide to work on their relationship through an all-out effort. This involves committing to couples therapy for a period of six months, during which divorce is taken off the table. This process allows couples to focus entirely on repairing the relationship and making positive changes, without the immediate threat of separation.
Moving Forward with Discernment Counseling
If you find yourself in a challenging or uncertain place in your marriage, Discernment Counseling can provide the clarity you need to make an informed decision. Whether you are trying to give your marriage another chance or determine if it’s time to part ways, this process can offer the guidance and support to make the best choice for your future.
The goal is not to stay in a state of indecision but to understand your relationship more deeply and choose a direction that aligns with both partners’ desires and needs. As you embark on this journey, you’ll gain insights into your relationship that can help shape whatever comes next—whether that’s reconciliation or moving on.
Feel free to watch the video on my website to learn more and discover if Discernment Counseling might be the right fit for you.
Watch this video to learn more!