What You Need to Know About Infidelity

Affairs and the trauma of betrayal are prevalent in our society.  I often see individuals who have been involved in or are currently involved in an affair, yet there is a conflict in their values and their behavior.  Other times, I see couples struggling through the hurt and betrayal of an affair.  

I wanted to share with you a Ted Talk regarding affairs by Esther Perel.  She discusses some important points to consider when processing affairs.  I wanted to share a few points that get you to rethink what you thought you knew about affairs.

  1. Affairs are an act of betrayal and an expression of longing and loss.

  2. It is not always a turning away from your partner, but turning away from the person we have become. We are not always looking for another person, but another self.

  3. The majority of couples will stay together after an affair. This can lead to an openness and honesty that they haven't had for decades. The hurt and betrayal can lead to growth and discovery.

Below is the talk where you can learn more about how couples can heal after an affair.  If your relationship is struggling with impact of an affair, we can help!



Evolving Research Suggests Trauma Post Sexual Betrayal

The 'Codependency Model' was often used by therapists in the past when dealing with the sexual betrayal of their loved ones.  Evolving research is starting to show that those who have suffered betrayal are actually suffering from trauma, which needs to be addressed appropriately to ensure effective therapy.

"After poring through the data, it has become clear to me that thousands of women and men are suffering deeply due to their partner's sexual behaviors outside of the relationship." ~Kevin Skinner, PhD

Post-betrayal, partners question their safety and worth in the relationship.  They find it difficult to fulfill their roles, and as a result find themselves angry and avoidant towards their partner.

Read more about it here: