When your relationship is in crisis, it can become an overwhelming task to find someone who you can trust to help. You are feeling hurt, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and are looking for a stranger to care for one of the most precious relationships in your life. When a marriage is on the brink of divorce or facing any difficult situation, it can be hard looking to another party for help. Many of my clients have never been in counseling or therapy before, and they frequently discussed their experiences looking for the right couples or marriage counselor for their relationships. Patterns have emerged from my conversations with them and I wanted to share my thoughts on the topic of finding your own couples/marriage counselor.
Dr. John Gottman is the leading researcher on marriage and relationships. He has become so in tuned with what patterns disintegrate relationships in his forty years of research that he can predict divorce in couples with 94% accuracy within 15 minutes of viewing their interactions. Time and time again, his research has shown that men's emotional intelligence (being aware of social nuisances and able to display deep sensitivity) can make or break a relationship.