In his book, Take Back You Marriage, Dr. Bill Doherty discusses the research around divorce. For example, are you aware that research states that forty percent of couple that have divorced regret the decision? Now that is less than half of couple who regret their decisions, yet still many lives are disshelved due to an unnecessary divorce. In this book, Dr. Doherty discusses that for many people, they reach a point of pain and fear in their marriage which blurs their view of your marriage and leads them to using poor judgement regarding which path to take their marriage. He lists a number of indicators that you have reached this point. From his book he lists this indicators as follows:
When you discover your spouse has had an affair it is absolutely devastating. Your mind spins. You rage against how your spouse could betray you and your family. You are dying for some support and empathy. Who do you speak with? Often people turn to those in their lives who are supposed to have their backs - their friends and family.
In my previous blog, I gave you a few questions to ask in order to determine if your potential counselor is qualified to intervene in your relationship. In this second half, I will give you thoughts to consider on their particular methodology, or how they will approach your relationship. Some types of therapy work better for certain couples, and finding someone in tune with your values is crucial.
Here are some questions to consider:
When your relationship is in crisis, it can become an overwhelming task to find someone who you can trust to help. You are feeling hurt, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and are looking for a stranger to care for one of the most precious relationships in your life. When a marriage is on the brink of divorce or facing any difficult situation, it can be hard looking to another party for help. Many of my clients have never been in counseling or therapy before, and they frequently discussed their experiences looking for the right couples or marriage counselor for their relationships. Patterns have emerged from my conversations with them and I wanted to share my thoughts on the topic of finding your own couples/marriage counselor.
The decision to divorce is a difficult one. People often talk to their friends or family members asking them to share their thoughts and opinions. There are many ideas about divorce that are categorically false. Because of this, I've decided to share some little known research regarding divorce that may help inform you or your loved one's decision. If you are interested in speaking with a marriage counselor about your relationship, I'd love to help!