Dr. John Gottman is the leading researcher on marriage and relationships. He has become so in tuned with what patterns disintegrate relationships in his forty years of research that he can predict divorce in couples with 94% accuracy within 15 minutes of viewing their interactions. Time and time again, his research has shown that men's emotional intelligence (being aware of social nuisances and able to display deep sensitivity) can make or break a relationship.
Affairs and the trauma of betrayal are prevalent in our society. I often see individuals who have been involved in or are currently involved in an affair, yet there is a conflict in their values and their behavior. Other times, I see couples struggling through the hurt and betrayal of an affair.
I wanted to share with you a Ted Talk regarding affairs by Esther Perel. She discusses some important points to consider when processing affairs. I wanted to share a few points that get you to rethink what you thought you knew about affairs.
- Affairs are an act of betrayal and an expression of longing and loss.
- It is not always a turning away from your partner, but turning away from the person we have become. We are not always looking for another person, but another self.
- The majority of couples will stay together after an affair. This can lead to an openness and honesty that they haven't had for decades. The hurt and betrayal can lead to growth and discovery.
Below is the talk where you can learn more about how couples can heal after an affair. If your relationship is struggling with impact of an affair, we can help!