The Center's Blog
What does science tell us about sex and how does this shape our relationship with our partner? I often hear from couples that their sex life isn't what it was when they first started dating and that they wish they could go back to that time in their relationship. Is it true that the best sex in relationships is when you are just getting to know each other? Actually, science tells us the opposite is true.
The beginning of each new year tends to be a time of reflection. We look at where we are, and where we would like to be. These thoughts often lead to resolutions of things we wish to change in our lives.
Perhaps you have given some thought about your relationship with your partner. Do you have any resolutions this year regarding your relationship? I wanted to share an exercise with those of you who may be desiring a stronger connection in your relationship. Building fondness and admiration for your partner is important to feeling connected to your partner. As life becomes more busy and chaotic, we often lose sight of how much our partners mean to us.
The following are some questions to ask yourself each day to help build fondness for your partner. Pick one to focus on each day of the week.
Think about a special time, or romantic time you had with your partner.
What is one physical attribute you like about your partner?
Write about a time you and your partner had fun together.
Think about one characteristic that you find endearing about your partner.
Write about one characteristic that makes you proud of your partner.
Once you have completed these, pick a time at the end of the week to share your thoughts and writing with your partner. Leave a note for them the following day about the things you were thinking about the previous day to show them how much you admire and value them. Show them how much you appreciate your relationship with them.
For new couples, the Holiday Season brings new challenges and exciting opportunities! Not only can the holidays bring out the best in people, sometimes they can have the opposite effect. I wanted to share this article as I think it gives interesting insight why it is a good idea for new couples to spend their holiday celebrations together. The holidays provide many opportunities to build friendship, manage conflict, and to create a shared meaning.
http://verilymag.com/2014/12/spend-the-holidays-together-marriage-preparation-relationship-advice
Holidays can bring about additional stress in even the most stable relationships. Travel, in-laws, and financial burdens can overwhelm any of us. The increase in stress can often create distance between you and your partner during the holiday season. Here are a few thoughtful ways to increase your connection to your partner.
1. Dr. John Gottman has found through his research that humans need 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative. That means that for every harmful interaction you have with your partner, you need to have 5 kind interactions.
2. Do small things often. Small moments, that at the time seem insignificant, are the moments that make a meaningful impact. Find moments to move towards you partner instead of turning away. For example, if your partner appears to be upset about something, ask about the situation and listen actively. Do not turn away and wait for it to pass.
3. Find ways to show your partner how much you value and appreciate them. This could be done by giving them a simple card or a hand-written note recognizing how they made you feel treasured today.
4. Focus on what is good about your partner and tell them! It's easy to focus on the areas that we wish our partners would change. Why did you choose to be with them? What characteristics did they possess that told you that they were the one?
