Living in a Sex Starved Marriage?

Often couples come to therapy struggling with a difference in libido.  Women and many men struggle with low libido (it's NOT just a woman's issue). Human beings are hardwired for connection.  Connection is as basic of a need as food and shelter.

In this Ted Talk Michelle Weiner-Davis discusses Sex Starved Marriages.  She also discusses 3 things people need to do if they are living in a Sex Starved Marriage.

  1. Understand how you feel connected to your partner, but most of all, become an expert in how your partner feels connected to you.

  2. If you are with someone desiring more connection, more affection, or more sex don't delude yourself into thinking "it's just sex." Sex is a powerful way to connect and bond with someone you love.

  3. When you understand how your partner feels connection and love you don't have to understand or agree with it, you just have to DO IT!

Increase Connection During the Holiday Season

Holidays can bring about additional stress in even the most stable relationships. Travel, in-laws, and financial burdens can overwhelm any of us. The increase in stress can often create distance between you and your partner during the holiday season. Here are a few thoughtful ways to increase your connection to your partner.

1. Dr. John Gottman has found through his research that humans need 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative. That means that for every harmful interaction you have with your partner, you need to have 5 kind interactions.

2. Do small things often. Small moments, that at the time seem insignificant, are the moments that make a meaningful impact. Find moments to move towards you partner instead of turning away. For example, if your partner appears to be upset about something, ask about the situation and listen actively. Do not turn away and wait for it to pass.

3. Find ways to show your partner how much you value and appreciate them. This could be done by giving them a simple card or a hand-written note recognizing how they made you feel treasured today.

4. Focus on what is good about your partner and tell them! It's easy to focus on the areas that we wish our partners would change. Why did you choose to be with them? What characteristics did they possess that told you that they were the one?