Sex Therapy

Are You an Angry Pursuer?

Are You an Angry Pursuer?

"You never spend time with me anymore!"

"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you!"

"You don't even want to be married, do you?"

I often work with couples that have one partner begging for a closer relationship with one breath, and then they viciously attack with the next. Or they will produce an extensive list of reasons why their spouse is lousy, while at the same time wondering why their feedback is ignored.

Science, Sex, and Relationships

Science, Sex, and Relationships

What does science tell us about sex and how does this shape our relationship with our partner? I often hear from couples that their sex life isn't what it was when they first started dating and that they wish they could go back to that time in their relationship.  Is it true that the best sex in relationships is when you are just getting to know each other?  Actually, science tells us the opposite is true. 

How Much Porn is Too Much Porn?

With the increase in accessibility, affordability, and anonymity of pornography, it has become a hot topic of discussion in relationships.  She says he looks at porn way too much.  He says he looks at porn the same amount as every other guy.

I wanted to share an article written by one of the leaders in couples therapy, Sue Johnson.  She does a nice job of breaking down when it's time to get help for you, or your partner.  If your partner isn't willing to have a discussion about the topic, it still is helpful to talk with someone about your own concerns.  As Susan Johnson discusses in the article "Bond science tells us that feeling shut out and rejected by the person we depend on registers in our brains as much a physical pain. Plus, that rejection is a danger cue that can send us into panic."

If you are concerned about your use of pornography or your partner's use of pornography, we can help!  

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hold-me-tight/201604/losing-loved-one-porn-and-what-you-can-do-about-it

Living in a Sex Starved Marriage?

Often couples come to therapy struggling with a difference in libido.  Women and many men struggle with low libido (it's NOT just a woman's issue). Human beings are hardwired for connection.  Connection is as basic of a need as food and shelter.

In this Ted Talk Michelle Weiner-Davis discusses Sex Starved Marriages.  She also discusses 3 things people need to do if they are living in a Sex Starved Marriage.

  1. Understand how you feel connected to your partner, but most of all, become an expert in how your partner feels connected to you.

  2. If you are with someone desiring more connection, more affection, or more sex don't delude yourself into thinking "it's just sex." Sex is a powerful way to connect and bond with someone you love.

  3. When you understand how your partner feels connection and love you don't have to understand or agree with it, you just have to DO IT!


Struggling with Sexual Behaviors?

I often hear from people struggling with their sexual behaviors.  Here are some questions to consider:

1. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts? 
2. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
3. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like? 
4. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior? 
5. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
6. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?

A positive response to just one of these questions would indicate a need for additional assessment, including a consultation with a CSAT. Agreeing with two or more questions likely indicates sexual issues that need to be addressed. 

It is important to find a counselor with specific training to treat sexual issues, as treating sexual issues is a highly specialized service.  Ask your counselor about their education and training treating sexual concerns. For more information and resources regarding treatment please visit sexhelp.com