Some Tips for the Unfaithful Spouse Looking to Save Their Marriage

Help for the Unfaithful Spouse- Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW


1. You must answer questions that your partner is asking openly and honestly. Holding onto info will re-traumatize your spouse when she/he finds out. Continuing to keep secrets from your spouse often causes irreparable damage when they discover the truth.

2. Your life must be an open book.  You need to share your passwords, credit card bills, cell phone bills, etc. Although this may feel uncomfortable at this point, your relationship is in crisis. This is a necessary part of this transitional period.  

3. Your spouse needs to know you are making an effort to understand their pain. You need to share how sorry you are for what you have done, many times over a long period of time. Although you may be deep in shame, you need to be present for your spouse. If your shame is getting in the way of this, seek help with your own individual counselor.

Infidelity is one of the main issues I work with on a consistent basis with couples. When they come to counseling, their relationship is already in crisis. The tips above are a good way to start repairing the damage caused by infidelity. Along with the author's 3 tips from the video, I also wanted to share my own advice.

When looking for a marriage counselor, ask them about their approach towards how they work with couples struggling with infidelity. If the counselor takes a neutral stance on your marriage, keep looking. Research shows that seeing a counselor who takes a neutral stance regarding your marriage does more harm than not seeing a counselor at all. For your marriage to have its best chance to be saved, you need to find a counselor who will hold out hope for your marriage.

With some difficult work and dedication, your relationship can survive after infidelity. You owe it to yourself and your marriage to seek out the type of marriage professional who starts from a position of hope.  Call today at 701-478-44144 to discuss the first steps towards healing your relationship.