There are many reasons why people choose to have affairs. It is helpful to have a thorough understanding of the factors that influenced that behavior.
When people are unhappy in their current relationship they may feel overwhelmed or hurt and instead of turning towards their partner and expressing this, they choose to look elsewhere. They begin to look for love in the wrong places. Those who have had an affair will often say they never saw the affair coming, yet they were looking for an intimate relationship outside of their marriage. This is extremely risky and damaging to a marriage.
It is important to understand that good people in good marriages have affairs. The internet, social media, and often workplaces have become fertile grounds for platonic relationships to blossom into full blown affairs.
Below is a list of why people choose to have affairs as explained by Michelle Weiner Davis in her book The Divorce Remedy.
1. Feeling taken for granted - When marriages go flat and your partner does not feel valued or appreciated, people become prone to affairs.
2. Feeling as if their sex life is lacking - This may be a difference in sex drive, boredom, loss of physical attraction, or feeling as if your partner is a poor lover.
3. Needing a boost to their ego - Needing the approval of others to restore one's sense of self.
4. Feeling as if they are routinely criticized - When people are hurting deeply inside, they hurt their partner. The one criticized is left to feel as if they are never "good enough." Endless blaming takes it toll and the criticized partner looks for their appreciation elsewhere.
5. A cry for help - This happens because in the mind of the one who had the affair, they've tried everything to get their partners to understand, but nothing has worked.
6. A one night stand - People make bad choices. Sometimes even in good marriages, the opportunity presents itself and it is more an issue of poor impulse control than a statement about the marriage.
7. Sexual addiction - Sometimes no matter how much sex happens in a relationship, one person is never satisfied. People with sexual addiction have an insatiable need to engage in sexual behaviors.
Relationships can heal from affairs. If your relationship is trying to heal from an affair, call us today!